Is he or she the one?

Is he or she the one?

“What you seek is seeking you.”

~ Rumi

No matter what stage of a relationship we are in, we always want to know if he or she is the one?

You know— the One..

..who exists in movies and books we read,

..for whom we await all our lives,

..who would sweep us from our feet and turn our dream world into a reality,

..who would be our lifelong parter,

..with whom we can share our joys, sorrows, our hopes and dreams,

..with whom we can be ourselves, as we are, no deceptions,

..who would love us with all our perfections and imperfections,

..whom we could trust with our hearts,

..and who would take us on a journey of a lifetime..

The One.. (Soulmate, if you like.)

Ahh, those sweet dreams..

But how do we know, with that surest surety? Will we know it deep down in our hearts? Will there be any signs?

Those who have found their One, their soulmate and are now living happily would just say that you would just ‘know’. Or something like, it will ‘click’. What is that supposed to mean?! How can you just know?

The problem is, you cannot just know. It’s not a single moment where you know they are the One. Maybe there are moments when you feel something for them, you love being around them and their Presence makes you want to be a better person. But it’s never a single moment of knowing or clicking — like they show in the movies.

Instead, you have to open your heart and trust it, every. single. time. when you are with them.

You have to communicate honestly, not just your dreams and aspirations but also your fears and failures. I cannot tell you enough how much I have seen the non-communication bringing a gap between two people in a relationship.

We lie to ourselves, and we lie to them. We hide ourselves for the fear of being judged. Even in the littlest of things. We don’t say what we really feel for the fear of either hurting them or making them angry.

We always love the good things about ourselves and others, but we are barely willing to show our vulnerable side to them. We don’t trust them enough to understand, or worse, we fear they would take advantage of our vulnerability and our goodness. That they would break our hearts and leave.

So who is really at fault here? If we don’t open up our hearts, if we don’t trust them enough, if we aren’t honest to ourselves and to them, how can we expect them to be the One?

I have been guilty of doing that quite sometimes. Hiding behind the fear of being judged or thinking he would feel hurt, or that he would think less of me. But deep down, i have also always wanted to be in love with the One. I am a hopeless romantic and i love love love watching those romantic movies and reading hundreds of chiclit books — even though i can easily predict what’s going to happen next in those pages, it still makes my heart happy knowing that in the end the two persons in love do meet and spend the rest of their lives together… that happy ending.. *sigh* (sorry, for that ramble! lol but i really do love them.)

So how did i know that he (my soon-to-be husband) is the One?

To be honest, i didn’t.

It was a leap of faith, or more like, leaps of faith. I knew i felt something for him, i loved him, he loved me, but i still had my doubts, my insecurities. I didn’t have any click-ety moment. I didn’t even think i was ready for a relationship, let alone a deep and loving one.

So i chose to jump. And take leaps of faith, every single time. Leaps of trust. Leaps of honest communication, heart to heart.

Every time i felt the doubts and insecurities arising, i would feel like running away from him. But instead, we chose to run towards each other. We even made this pact, this promise, that whether it’s a fight or anything rough, either one of us will always take a step towards another.

We always communicate and share our thoughts — the bad as well as the good. The fears, the doubts, even the complaints and also the joys, the love.

Now after all this time of being in a relationship with him, i can say that he is the One. Bcoz we work at our relationship every single day. We make time to talk, to be with each other, to listen and understand each other.

So if you’re wondering if he or she is the One for you?

Ask yourself honestly — how willing are you to take leaps (yes many many leaps) of faith, of trust? How willing are you to openly communicate and talk everything? How willing are you to give your relationship a try? And most importantly, how willing are you to open up your heart and be vulnerable?

And if you still haven’t found your One, keep seeking, with an open heart.

If you seek it whole heartedly, you will always — always always — find it.

The question is — what are you really seeking?

🙂

Feel free to share your experience or thoughts in the comments. 🙂

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